For someone who was in a 3+ year relationship and dumped 5 days before her wedding, I got over everything pretty fast. Like lightning fast. And a lot of people have either asked me how I did it or don’t believe that I’ve really moved on.
You first start dating someone and it’s a whirlwind of stomach butterflies, cheesy smiles, and goofy laughs. You slowly learn more and more about this person, and the more you learn, the more you begin to really like him/her. And like eventually turns into love.
My ex was my first real/serious boyfriend. It was my first time being in a relationship, so quite honestly I didn’t know what I liked/didn’t like or even what a good relationship was supposed to be like. Don’t get me wrong, we had some really good times together.. But after we broke up, I was able to step back and actually look at the relationship for what it really was, and I realized that it was not a good one.
I think that’s one of the main reasons I was able to get over everything so fast. It wasn’t like I was dating Prince Charming and everything was wonderful and then all of a sudden everything was taken away from me. Over the course of 3+ years, my ex did a lot of things that hurt me emotionally, and it wasn’t until after we broke up that I realized how much weight all of that hurt put on my shoulders. I had become someone else, someone I didn’t like. I was blind, because I didn’t know any better. I thought, “Everyone must go through things like this”, and “It only makes our relationship stronger.”
The reality- I was settling.
I fell in love with the first guy I dated and didn’t get a chance to experience and learn from other relationships. My ex had some major flaws that I did not like one bit, but I chose to just suck it up and deal with them because I loved him and wanted everything to work out. I know that everybody has flaws, but going into the relationship I didn’t have any set deal breakers.. I just accepted everything and went along with it. It’s very exhausting honestly, and there’s constant disappointment.
Finding out 5 days before I was supposed to get married that my ex was no longer in love with me and wanted to break up was awful and disappointing, but I’m actually thankful that it happened. Everything happens for a reason. If we had gone through with the wedding, I would have been stuck in a crappy relationship and not known any better. Lived with a heavy weight on my shoulders from years of emotional abuse. Lived a life without true love. Probably would have eventually gone through a divorce. A story that too many people seem to find themselves in these days unfortunately.
I didn’t go through a long “mourning” period, because I was raised to take things as they come and make the best of it. Sometimes you can’t control what happens in your life, but you can control how you react. I decided that life is too short to sit around and be sad or mad about something I can’t change, so I made the choice to move on with my life and be happy, because I deserve happiness. We all do! And I have faith that one day I will find my Prince Charming who will treat me like I’m supposed to be treated, respect me and love me with all his heart.
Through it all, I’ve learned so much about myself- the power of my own strength, that I’m in control of my own happiness, and the healing power of an awesome support system. And I have never been happier with my life.
My advice to you- surround yourself with people who love you for you and support you no matter what, find happiness within yourself before finding it with someone else, and believe in the power of your own strength. And for those of you going through heart break, remember that you are AMAZING and that no one controls your happiness except YOU.